15 Thoughts You Have When You Go To a New Gym Class

I’m not very fit. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever be very fit. I just can’t stop stuffing my face with pizza and Cadbury’s Nibbles and Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations and big, fat doughnuts, and I don’t want, to be honest. Would you want to stop eating these doughnuts?


But the point is, I’m trying. I try to go for runs, I will sometimes (rarely) order a healthier alternative. I’m no Joe Wicks when it comes to fitness, but I try, and one of my favourite ways to try is by going to fitness classes. In the past, I’ve tried Zumba, Body Pump, Yoga, The Jungle Body, Konga, and sometimes I like them, but sometimes (lookin’ at you, Body Pump), I do not and I’m left with these thoughts running through my head.

  1. Okay! I’ve got my trainers on! I’ve Got my hair in a preppy little ponytail! I’m wearing a variety of bright pink workout gear! I am ready! 
  2. Oh wow… there’s a lot of other people in here… and they all have yoga mats… should I have brought a yoga mat?
  3. Let’s just find a spot in the very back corner where no one will be able to see that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, yes?
  4. Oh no, oh no, oh no, the instructor is looking at me. Oh, wait, no, she’s looked away. We’re fine.
  5. Alright – warm up time!
  6. Pretty sure I shouldn’t be this physically exhausted after the warm up. 
  7. Oh god, she wants me to lift weights / touch my toes / keep my arms elevated for longer than 10 seconds at a time / [insert other minor activity that I’m horrifically unable to achieve here]
  8. You learn something new every day, and today I have learnt that I am able to sweat from my ears. How lovely and sexy and not at all gross. 
  9. There is not an ounce of exaggeration in my body when I say that not one single other person in this class is showing and signs of struggle / dehydration / imminent death.
  10. Did somebody just whoop? Are they trying to rub it in?!
  11. Maybe eating a very big and very cheesy lasagne 15 minutes before I came to the gym wasn’t the wisest idea I’ve ever had. It’s a good thing I’m standing at the back IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
  12. It must be over soon? It must be! 
  13. Thank the LORD, we’ve entered the Cool Down.
  14. My legs are a very perplexing combination of softer than unset jelly and as solid as a rock. How? How has this happened?
  15. She’s just said she’s excited to see us again next week. HAHAHA. She will never see me again.

You might say that I’m not good at overcoming physical challenges, and I wouldn’t disagree with you. In all honesty, I’m currently 4 classes deep into Konga and I’m really enjoying it, so I think I may have finally found the fitness class for me. Nothing in this world could ever compell me to go to another Body Pump class, which was absolutely the worst experience of my life.

So, favourite classes? Worst experiences? Tell me your fitness wins and woes down in the comments or over on Twitter!

The Writing Campbell


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